Sunday Night Blues
Its always the same feeling right before I go to bed on Sunday night. “BLECK”
At the moment I can feel myself getting sick, and I know that even if I’m throwing my guts up, I have to be at work and functioning from 7am until noon. After that I can function on auto pilot, but until then I will be placing up to 30 separate piece orders with 30 different companies. That means I’m awake and functioning at 6:30, awake at 6. So instead of being a good smart girl, it is almost 1am and my boyfriend just left again.
I am a little scared of myself lately. The more I’m with OFMA the more I realize how shitty the guys I’ve dated have treated me. I realize how worthless I felt I was and how much I really hated myself to have stayed with my ex fiance for as long as I did. It hurts. It causes me to break into tears at really inopportune moments and make OFMA think he’s done something wrong.
Its harder on Sunday than any other night because I can’t stay up with him. OFMA doesn’t spend the night because he doesn’t want to keep me up and keep me from getting up on Monday. I know if he was here, I wouldn’t go to work. I want him to be here though, right now because I feel super sick to my stomach and just want him to hold me until I feel better. Sigh.
Anyhow, I’ve also seen a continuing trend arising. Most of my friends messages today on Facebook were about Weddings. Either a) how they are planning a wedding, b) how they attended a wedding or c) how they are looking forward to attending a wedding. I’m starting to wonder if there really is a government plot to marry off all my friends and boost the economy. There has to be. There’s no way this is all just coincidence. At first I thought it was because of my relationship with OFMA that I was starting to notice all this stuff. But I have other friends, married friends, who have noticed the trend. Increases in advertising for tux rentals, dress shops and engagement rings…not just an accident me thinks. I need to sit there one night and tally all the commercials I see. One night I saw one for Jewelry Exchange (in TUSTIN!), heard one in the car for Robins Bros and then returned to another one for Jared, followed by one for Kay Jewelers. No wonder guys think chicks are obsessed. All we see all day long are “BUY THIS DIAMOND FOR YOUR GIRL. OTHERWISE YOU DON”T LOVE HER.” Its such a crock. No wonder our divorce rate is so high. The American culture is obsessed with the wedding, but not the marriage. After all, a wedding is a big celebration. A marriage is something you can easily end with a piece of paper and some lawyer fees. Chaps my hide, but then again, I am a product of divorce, so maybe a bit more sensitive to it all. I never thought of divorce as screwing me up, but lately I’m starting to see it. OFMA’s parents are nuts, but they are nuts together. Oh well, going to bed….
